if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
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