I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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