Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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