Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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