I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize