I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
