There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Randomize
