omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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