wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I met the friendliest cop last night
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
