have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
