miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
