I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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