The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
