This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
