You're completely useless in the revolution.
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
