Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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