Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize