I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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