halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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