Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I think people are normalizing furries
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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