All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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