Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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