I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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