thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
