Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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