This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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