Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize