the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
