I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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