I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
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