Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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