just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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