just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
