I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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