Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
