Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
