So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
