Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
