I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
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