The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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