so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
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