i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize