I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
