if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize