i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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