even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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