Soap is not a condiment
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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