Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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