I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
