Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
