In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
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