I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
