oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
