Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
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