i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
