no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
