A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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