Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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