what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
