Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
