omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
where am i from again
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
